Supporting a Loved One Through Suicidal Thoughts

Preventing suicide means understanding what drives suicidal ideation and action. It’s important to understand that suicide and suicidal ideation can be a way that people try to process what they’re going through and seek solutions. And while these aren’t healthy ways of processing, ending your life is never a solution; these thoughts are more common than one might think. When we treat suicide as unspeakable, we ignore the reality that over 700,000 suicides occur each year, and there are many more attempts than completions. We can’t help when we are trying to avoid the topic. 

If a loved one is experiencing suicidal ideation, it’s easy to be so frozen by fear that you can’t act. Having a plan and a script can help you get started. Here are some ways to broach the conversation and support your loved ones.  

• Know the signs: While each person is different, there are commonly recognized warning signs of suicidality that mental health professionals agree upon, such as increased substance use, withdrawal, and acts like giving away belongings and saying goodbye to loved ones. Knowing these signs can help you spot them early.
• Have hard conversations: We know we need to check in on our loved ones when they are struggling…but how? Seize the Awkward has resources, tools, and tips for starting, conducting, and following up after a check-in conversation. Your willingness to be a safe and empathetic ear is a huge support to those going through a tough time.
• Skip the judgment: When a loved one chooses to confide in you, avoid becoming upset, angry, or arguing that suicide is wrong or selfish. Instead, recognize the courage it takes for your loved one to open up to you and match it with your own. Ask simple, judgment-free questions about why they feel the way they do and to gauge if they have any concrete plans to kill themself. Ask if you can help them access care, like calling a hotline or a therapist. Take your time; patience is key in helping someone open up.
• Tell them why you’d miss them: Those navigating suicidal thoughts often feel like a burden and think that their loved ones would be better off without them. It’s important to remind them that they are cherished and loved with specific examples of what you’d miss if they were not here anymore. Let them know that your world is better with them in it.

Suicide and suicidal ideation can be difficult topics to broach, and it can be tempting to avoid the conversation due to fear or discomfort. While we aren’t in control of the actions of others, we can all play a role in keeping ourselves and our loved ones safe.